Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
