Define "chronic" masturbator.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
