Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
