Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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