dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
