Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
