You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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