he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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