the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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