I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
