So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think my moral compass just broke
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
