im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
