it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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