Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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