it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
