Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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