Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
