I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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