They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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