This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
