You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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