Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
