my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
