I accidentally burped into my bong.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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