Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
