I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
