Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
