I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
