How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
