Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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