Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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