Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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