Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
