shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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