pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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