That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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