I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
