Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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