Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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