When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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