But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
