You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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