so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
