shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it glows. i had to have it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
