When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
