his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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