I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
