I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
