I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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