how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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