16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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